Need for Speed (Amphetamines)
By Meredith McHale
A young McHale, appreciating the durable comfort and motility of cargo shorts.
I wore the label “Tomboy” with pride as a tree-climbing, Need for Speed racing, knee scraping elementary schooler, draped in my brother’s hand-me-downs.
Today, I could attribute that disdain for feminine performance to a number of things. I could write an article about how, by the age of seven, I was queering gender normalities and radicalizing the fashion industry, insisting on wearing track pants or cargo shorts for the durability and motility they provided. I could explain how mad I was playing the Bratz: Rock Angels video game on the tube TV because they wouldn’t just take their damn heels off and run faster! But nay, I digress. It wasn’t until a year out of college that I fully understood why I was so entranced by competitive sports, my GameCube, and how it was I could lose hours at a time playing Stardew Valley but couldn’t pay attention in Spanish I for the life of me.
Unsurprisingly, women and girls have consistently been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at approximately half the rate that men and boys are, even though evidence shows that neurodevelopmental disorder is just as common among women. Throughout girlhood, we’re expected to overperform. Educators, parents, friends, doctors… they all expect us to compensate to meet societal expectations. For women like myself, we often live in a state of denial regarding our neurodivergence. Unable to focus in precalculus, I was told that the problem lay in my character, not my chemical makeup. I was simply lazy, stupid, or unmotivated.
So as I began to accept that there was something fundamentally different about my brain, I started recognizing the ways in which I experienced my ADHD. I wrote a long list (fully knowing that I would forget each and every symptom as soon as the psychiatrist stepped into the room), and at the very top I circled - “video games”.
The term “hyperfocus” is relatively new to my vocabulary (thank you, TikTok). I’ve always been known for being rather absent-minded or, as my dad would say, “Distracted by shiny objects.” Throughout my life, however, my obsession with video games has remained a constant.
Photo evidence that McHale is a bad b*tch when it comes to Casino Royale style games.
Many people with ADHD are able to hyperfocus on specific tasks, namely those that rapidly and consistently reward us. I’ve probably spent full months playing The Sims or Farming Simulator. RPGs and simulation games have always been my drug of choice (although Adderall is a close second these days). For years I attributed my embarrassing addiction to Farmville as an escape from anxiety, depression, and the woes of the real world. But it wasn’t until recently that I began to attribute the anxiety, depression, and woes, in part, to my ADHD.
Much of my life was spent subliminally hiding my neurodivergence. Because being considered a tomboy felt more palatable throughout the early 2000s than being a girl with “mental problems.” I was extremely confident in my athleticism, my androgenous presence, and the hatred toward low-rise skinny jeans (that I maintain today). Yet, even my best friends were kept in the dark regarding just how many hours I spent playing (and winning, for the record) Luigi’s Mansion, or my secret talent in Medal of Honor: Vanguard. On rare occasions, I got to show off my skill in Smash Bros or Mario Kart, kicking ass at sleepovers and birthday parties. If I was able to sink an eighth of the time I spent playing my way through the Cabela's Outdoor Adventure games into band practice, I probably wouldn’t have quit trumpet after two years. Granted, for that, my parents are grateful.
Today I am medicated and vocal about my ADHD experience. I set aside a monthly budget to splurge on the Nintendo eShop. I, like many others, have been foaming at the mouth in anticipation of FINALLY getting my grubby little mitts on a freaking PS5.
Collecting tarantulas in Animal Crossing: New Horizons, a daunting and time consuming task worthy of great reward.
I encourage every person, especially young girls, to recognize, accept, and embrace their differences in interests, brain chemistry, and learning styles. Medication and therapy should be treated as water – if you stop drinking when you’re feeling better, you’ll be dehydrated again in a day. Video games have taught me more about myself than years of schooling. I’ve become a talented problem solver, keen observationalist, and an empathetic human being. With the tools I have to focus myself, moderate my gaming intake, and maintain a balance between work and fun-time (mmm, capitalism am I right?), I no longer consider spending hours attempting to catch ‘em all a guilty pleasure, rather, a self-care activity. And that deserves some damn self-applause if you ask me.
