An Anecdote & Then An Apology
By Nilson Carroll
The dozens of hours I spent inside farm-sim Stardew Valley during 2016 are some of my coziest, most cherished memories in games. On my idyllic farm, I spent time min-maxing my crops, organizing rocks, and filling my house with (cool) junk.
Like with any life-sim, as the game went on, it became important to partner up and follow through a romance progression tree, ending in marriage This has many benefits, including chores that your spouse does for you and kisses that rejuvenate your body (true to life).
A typical conversation with Shane.
I first fell for Shane, a depressed, ex-jock alcoholic when he ignored me at the big-box store he works at. I’m not sure if it was his pure tsundere attitude toward me or his unflinching work ethic (igniting something in my coarse capricorn’s heart), but he stood out to me instantly. Maybe in his self-repression I saw reflected my own. We could help each other grow as people.
Following in the footsteps of the older men trying to date co-workers in my coffee shop IRL (yikes), I visited Shane daily at his job, gave him trinkets and desserts, learned his likes and dislikes, memorized his schedule, and found out he liked pizza and beer as much as I did.
Still, romance never blossomed between us. After some research, I learned that Shane would never date me, not because we were both boys, but because he just wasn’t programmed to be a dateable character period (there were many other same-sex romances you can be in).
And without you is how I disappear and live my life alone forever now.
Later on, in version 1.1 of the game, Shane was patched in as a marriage candidate, but I had already completed my time with the game, marrying the incredibly emo townie Sebastian instead (a compromise). In update’s screenshots, I even saw that Shane brings a Sega with him when he moves in after you get married (we would have been perfect, we could have played Shining Force!).
Obviously, players can’t fault the developer for any lack of content or options (ConcernedApe has made such a beautiful, full and inclusive game experience), but this anecdote speaks to a larger, more complicated issue.
I know, I know. I'm the worst.
I think about what it means to be “programmed to be dateable” as a parallel to a queer boy falling in love with a straight boy, for instance. I think about how some relationships will simply never work out. I think about the neoliberal value of “winning” at relationships, romance progression toward the “goal” of intimacy, both in real life and in games (and dating apps, somewhere in between).
I’m sure a washed up jock like Shane, the Shane from version 1.0 of the game, would have been weirded out by my advances, and for that, I apologize to him. I suppose that version of Shane is no longer canon after the update, but Shane 1.0 was the one in my game, regardless, so he’s canon to me. I’m sorry.